A Gentleman Considers Rear Entry

The fellas at TheFoggyMonocle don’t take enough credit for their amazing brilliance. Here they are again, in usual form…

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As a creature of instinct, supreme confidence and lethal cunning, it’s rare that a gentleman feels trepidatious. Rarely does he tremble at the gates of the great unknown. As long as he’s given a low ball glass containing the contents of a perfectly mixed cocktail, a gentleman is always prepared to fling himself headfirst into the abyss, knowing full well he’ll land on the soles of his alligator skinned loafers and emerge the wiser, wilder and more experienced man. It’s also important to consider that a gentleman is accustomed to going where he pleases. For a gentleman on the town, the velvet rope is always lifted and the red carpet always rolled out as the general public beckons his jovial company. So on these rare occurrences when a gentleman questions the tug of his tastes and the lust of his loins, it’s vital that he weigh his options and consider the situation with grave severity and a perfectly sound mind. Trust, dear readers, that the gentleman will always make the right decision.

tfm

[thefoggymonocle.com]

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Ceremonial leaving of the housewarming present

“It’s Lovely, I’ll Take It” is a collection of poorly chosen photos from real estate listings. They found this gem, a dog leaving a nice housewarming present on the new owner’s lawn. Get our your checkbooks, guys.

dog

[lovelylisting.com]

 

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T-Shirt for Hairy Chested Men

From the genius that heads up IronicSans.com

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“As the weather gets warmer, smooth-chested guys nationwide will be hanging out shirtless in parks and on beaches. A hairless chest is so trendy these days that it’s practically a fashion accessory. But what’s a guy with a hairy chest supposed to do? How can he incorporate his hairy chest in his own fashion?

Well, that’s why I’ve come up with T-Shirts for Hairy-Chested Men, with strategic cutouts that allow your hairy chest to show through. They could feature portraits of famous curly-haired celebrities like Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan, and Harpo Marx (for blondes). At last, the Hairy-Chested Man can finally showcase his own natural chest hair with style.”

hairytee

[ironicsans.com]

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Mom, Dad and Facebook: A Dangerous Combo

The team at postcardsfromyomomma.com dish up some pretty hilarious captured conversations and notes from mom.

postcards

[postcardsfromyomomma.com]

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Life-Sized Rubberized Rhinoceroses

burbia

[burbia.com]

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Einstein Says What?

From the genius blog comes this wonderful quote of Albert Einstein…

ae

[einsteinsayswhat.tumblr.com]

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Viceland.com’s DOs and DON’Ts

Tagged as a DON’T, the picture comes straight from Viceland’s Do’s and Don’ts section on fashion…

viceland.com

“Putting flip-flops at the bottom of a 35-year-old muppet raver is like
tossing a counterfeit five on the body of the hooker you just killed.”

[viceland.com] – spotted by @akaemmafrost

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Worst. Idea. Ever.

“If this guy doesn’t break something then there is no Darwin – WTF!?!”

workout

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The First Time I Jerked Off…

playboy

The first time I jerked off I thought I had invented it. No joke. I was convinced I had created what was going to be the most insanely popular thing ever. I didn’t really have any plan of promoting it, but I was instantly convinced that it would make me famous. Everywhere I’d go people would point and say “That’s him. That’s Gus. He’s the reason why your Mother and I aren’t divorced yet.” And I’d smile and wave and shake their hands. I’d get personal calls from world leaders and have parades thrown in my honor. I’d get elected President on the everyone-cool-off-and-meet-back-here-in-a-half-an-hour platform. I’d accept the nobel peace prize and go to sleep each night knowing that, because of me, the world at large was a little more relaxed.

And maybe, now, a little hungry.

[illinoisairship.tumblr.com]

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BackUp Gun Rack

So many valuables in my house and too few barking dogs – how can I get one?

 

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The Euphemism Generator

The Euphemism Generator promises ENDLESS FUN

teg

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Finger Art

This photo shoot makes me smile…

finger

[Finger Art]

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New Netpix Service Sends Unlimited Photographs For Monthly Fee

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

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new-netpix-rLOS GATOS, CA “With millions of images to choose from, the new online service Netpix, which allows users to receive up to three pictures at a time for a monthly fee has quickly become the most popular photograph-rental company in the country.

Launched in April, the new service offers a wide array of photos and genres, including pictures of sunsets, images of friends sitting around picnic tables, grisly crime scene photos, the complete works of Ansel Adams, snapshots of Carol and her dog, and recent portraits from Tanya Kohler’s baby shower at the Treehouse restaurant in Manchester, NH.

“It’s so convenient. You get a photo in your mailbox, look at it for a while, and then drop it in the prepaid envelope and send it back,” Houston resident Jonathan Collins said. “I’ll never look at pictures the same way again.”

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Wonderful Financial Opportunity

Just wanted to give you a heads up for this wonderful financial opportunity and potential love connection. I received an email through my hotmail account and am currently too busy to take advantage of this money making guarantee, but I wanted to repost it for anyone who can respond. The whole story is too tragic, and Ms. Wayne could really use your help.

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Hello, I am sandy wayne from Liberia and I am contacting you because I
need your help in management of some amount that my father left for me
before he died. My father was a very rich man that dealed in Gold but was
poisoned by his business colleagues and they are now after me because am
the only child living so i hard to escape my way into a church here in
Republic of Ghana which am presently in the refugee camp.

Please I want you to stand as my guidian and appointed beneficiary to
enable you receive the money in your country and as well assist me secure
papers that will enable me come over to your country immediately for
continuation of my education and investing of the money according to your
advise since am only 24 years female without mother or father. Please
indicate if your interested in taking me along because my present
condition here is critically frustrating here in the refugee camp.send me
your number in your response to my request so i can give the barrister to
call  because the firm is asking that my beneficiary should get a change
of ownership from the court before the firm will release the consignment.

Waiting your response soonest, God bless you if you will help me get the
change of ownership so that the firm can release the consignment,Send me
your name and number the barrister can call you.

Am waiting.
sandy wayne.
sandywayne24@hotmail.com
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Complaint Letter Generator

If you’ve been burned by unscrupulous individuals or organizations, but just don’t have the time or vocabulary to properly address their subordinates in a complaint letter, Scott Pakin has the answer in Scott Pakin’s Automatic Complaint Letter Generator. Take, for example, this complaint letter generated in less than 10 seconds about me, Robert C. Bowman III

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My complaint about Mr. Robert C Bowman III

As a citizen of this country, which I believe in and which I have seen Mr. Robert C Bowman III tear apart, I must take a strong position on Robert’s prank phone calls, which, after all, develop a credible pretext to forcibly silence Robert’s opponents. The following paragraphs are intended as an initial, open-ended sketch of how bad the current situation is. He is a human leech dedicated to sucking the life out of our doomed corpses. How much more illumination does that fact need before Robert can grasp it? Assuming the answer is “a substantial amount”, let me point out that Robert hates people who have huge supplies of the things he lacks. What he lacks the most is common sense, which underlies my point that Robert believes that he can change his covinous ways. That’s just wrong. He further believes that individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity, religion, or national origin. Wrong again!

The implications of doctrinaire simplism may seem theoretical but they have concrete meaning for thousands of people. Robert occasionally shows what appears to be warmth, joy, love, or compassion. You should realize, however, that these positive expressions are more feigned than experienced and invariably serve an ulterior motive, such as to manipulate everything and everybody. Daily, the truth is being impressed upon us that his dream is for us to lay down our freedom at our feet and say to him, “Make us your slaves, but feed us”. Well, that’s getting away from my main topic, which is that I am sick of our illustrious “leaders” treading on eggshells so as not to upset Robert. Here’s what I have to say to them: Robert’s accomplices are unified under a common goal. That goal is to adopt approaches that have not been tested to try to solve problems that have not been well-defined.

Common-sense understanding of human nature tells us that for Robert’s crafty plans to succeed, he needs to dumb down our society. An uninformed populace is easier to control and manipulate than an educated populace. In the immediate years ahead, schoolchildren will stop being required to learn the meanings of words like “hyperphosphorescence” and “hydrometallurgically”. They will be incapable of comprehending that people used to think I was exaggerating whenever I said that as soon as Robert’s operatives make mawkish, abominable talebearers out to be something they’re not, their crusades will cease to educate the public on a range of issues and instead will “solve” all our problems by talking them to death. After seeing Robert put a clog on all attempts to limit his power these same people now realize that I wasn’t exaggerating at all. In fact, they even realize that if Robert doesn’t like it here, then perhaps he should go elsewhere. To end this letter, I would like to make a bet with Mr. Robert C Bowman III. I will gladly give him a day’s salary if he can prove that the most valuable skill one can have is to be able to lie convincingly, as he insists. If Robert is unable to prove that, then his end of the bargain is to step aside while I explain a few facets of this confusing world around us. So, do we have a bet, Robert?

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[pakin.org/complaint]

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