I’ve been following Hipster Puppies for a while now and thought I’d share it. Not because it’s like, fall-down-funny / wildly hilarious; but because it’s pretty funny and I love dogs.
What do you think?
Gunther saved the PBR, and therefore saved the fucking day
Muffin says fuck your coffee shop’s 60-minute laptop rule
Fun with Craigslist boasts “Wherever there are people selling dumb things on craigslist, I’ll be there sending even dumber emails trying to get them to respond.”
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Reply to:****
Date: 2009-06-04, 10:26AM PDTI am opening an antique auction and I need an auctioneer that is familiar with antiques.
If there is an interest in this job please email me or give me a call at (310) 409-**** Joshua
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Me: heythereimanauctioneerivebeendoingitfor10,20,25yearstobeexact
peoplehavecalledmethebaberuthofauctioneering oneofthegreatesttoeverswingthemallet(getit?likeswingingabat)
iamveryfamiliarwithalltypesofantiques,antiques,antiques,iwillsellthem formaximumprofitandefficiency.
ialsoliketomixinjokeswheniamrunning theauctionitkeepspeopleawakeandontheirtoes. sincerelytywilsone
Joshua: When would you be available to come in for an interview?
Me: howbout2,canIgeta2,2pm,2pm,doIheara2:30 whateverworksforyouworksforme.
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I really cannot believe he responded. Does he think that auctioneers actually type the way they speak
or does he just assume that the spacebar on my keyboard is broken?
Seriously, I have nothing else to say. I still cant believe he replied.
Namaste.
As a director, comedian, and oversexed Lothario, David Wain has met and romanced many a Hollywood starlet. Perhaps that’s why his show “Wainy Days“ — in which he plays against type as a bumbling loser at love — is so psychologically complex (and really funny). With the fourth season currently being rolled out on My Damn Channel, we asked David to teach us how to find that special lady.
How to Approach Them
One good idea — if you see a hot woman on the street, whip out your iPod, walk by her, and say, “Sorry I can’t hear what you’re saying, I’m listening to this podcast about how to manage having an over-sized penis.” She’ll probably say something like, “Wow! Hey, want to grab a cup of coffee?” The best move here is to play hard-to-get. Say something like, “Sure — but later.” Now you’ve got her. Just remember to set a specific time and place or you may never see that chick again.
The fellas at TheFoggyMonocle don’t take enough credit for their amazing brilliance. Here they are again, in usual form…
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As a creature of instinct, supreme confidence and lethal cunning, it’s rare that a gentleman feels trepidatious. Rarely does he tremble at the gates of the great unknown. As long as he’s given a low ball glass containing the contents of a perfectly mixed cocktail, a gentleman is always prepared to fling himself headfirst into the abyss, knowing full well he’ll land on the soles of his alligator skinned loafers and emerge the wiser, wilder and more experienced man. It’s also important to consider that a gentleman is accustomed to going where he pleases. For a gentleman on the town, the velvet rope is always lifted and the red carpet always rolled out as the general public beckons his jovial company. So on these rare occurrences when a gentleman questions the tug of his tastes and the lust of his loins, it’s vital that he weigh his options and consider the situation with grave severity and a perfectly sound mind. Trust, dear readers, that the gentleman will always make the right decision.
From the genius that heads up IronicSans.com
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“As the weather gets warmer, smooth-chested guys nationwide will be hanging out shirtless in parks and on beaches. A hairless chest is so trendy these days that it’s practically a fashion accessory. But what’s a guy with a hairy chest supposed to do? How can he incorporate his hairy chest in his own fashion?
Well, that’s why I’ve come up with T-Shirts for Hairy-Chested Men, with strategic cutouts that allow your hairy chest to show through. They could feature portraits of famous curly-haired celebrities like Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan, and Harpo Marx (for blondes). At last, the Hairy-Chested Man can finally showcase his own natural chest hair with style.”
The first time I jerked off I thought I had invented it. No joke. I was convinced I had created what was going to be the most insanely popular thing ever. I didn’t really have any plan of promoting it, but I was instantly convinced that it would make me famous. Everywhere I’d go people would point and say “That’s him. That’s Gus. He’s the reason why your Mother and I aren’t divorced yet.” And I’d smile and wave and shake their hands. I’d get personal calls from world leaders and have parades thrown in my honor. I’d get elected President on the everyone-cool-off-and-meet-back-here-in-a-half-an-hour platform. I’d accept the nobel peace prize and go to sleep each night knowing that, because of me, the world at large was a little more relaxed.
And maybe, now, a little hungry.
List of the Day found this local news story and its corresponding graphic which, to me, is hilarious. The story is tragic, but the news is the news and we all know that without pictures, people won’t be enticed to read. Just throw something together – no one will see it…
holytaco.com put together this nice compilation of those people not to invite to your party.
7. GUY WHO GETS WASTED IN THE FIRST HOUR
Some web designers in South Africa threw this blog posting together. Click HERE for more.
Reblogged from yellow-llama.com
Oh PostSecret, you break my heart, but sometimes I laugh shamefully.
The jokers at thefoggymonocle.com bring your instant message conversations back to life for the whole wide web to enjoy and we appreciate the hell out of them for it. Below is a snipit of what two fellows would do for the lovely Megan Fox. You can read the entire exchange HERE.
Lothario: dude that new transformers trailer looks legit
Romeo: oh i peeped
Lothario: i would suck a turd out of megan foxs ass, have i said that lately?
Romeo: i would suck rea out of her ass thru a straw
Lothario: i would kill you for her
Romeo: i would kill myself for her
Lothario: i would kill 500 puppies barehanded for her
Romeo: i would revive the 500 puppies you killed, just to kill them again for her
Lothario: i would rip every finger and toenail off my body with my teeth for her
Romeo: i would shoot a lethal dose of heroin right before i get behind the wheel of a school bus for her
Lothario: i would purposely contract swine flu, then lick every surface of every elementary school in all 50 states for her
Romeo: i would serve porkchops from infested swine at a charity dinner for holocaust survivors for her
Thanks to Korbi Bare for the find
It’s probably been a while since you’ve stumbled across “Stuff White People Like” – but here’s a reminder of how hilarious it is.
When you think about tattoo parlors, it conjures up images of sailors, gang members, hepatitis, and spring break. All of these are things that white people do not like, except for sailors but that only counts if they were sailing before Vietnam. Yet in spite of this, more and more white people are getting tattoos.
But do not make the mistake of thinking that white people like all tattoos. In fact, they hate a great number of them:
* Anything with an American Flag or Eagle
* References to Military Services
* Tribal Arm Bands
* Faces of children, spouses, or dead people
* Tattoos with more than one color
A white person getting a tattoo is a major step in their life as it presupposes that their taste at this given moment is good enough to sustain them for the rest of their lives. Needless to say, this is a near impossible task. This is why you don’t see a lot of white people with R.E.M. or Strokes tattoos.
Our recent fascination with “Riders” inspires us to create our own soon. Watch out stardom, here we come. Courtesy of youlooknicetoday.com
From: REDACTED
To: REDACTED @ hotmail.com
Subject: (! High Priority !) MOPs Appearance
Hi Tina:
Please find the fellows standard dressing room requests below. Note that this was agreed to in the final (signed) version of the contract dated 12/14/08. [winking emoticon]
Thanks
AFF
Alan F. Furstwether
Manager, MOPs
11 Sunset Pkwy
Coalinga, CA 93210
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MONSTERS OF PODCASTING DRESSING ROOM SET-UP
Please provide:
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Venue has agreed to provide:
